Please see my new blog: And Nico Makes Four

Well, obviously my daughter had definite ideas about Scorpios. I don't mind, supposedly Sagittariuses are easy-going, friendly, action-orientated folks. I have no recollection of ever knowing one so perhaps these people also don't give too much credit to horoscopes, unlike all the Libras I know. Anyway, as you can tell from this photo, Ingrid has not yet made her way into the world (or perhaps I am fooling you and she is tucked away in a baby bjorn under my dress). Soon, though, very soon. I go in for a non-stress test today just to confirm that she is alright baking away in her womb. Hope all is well with everyone. Take care.

Things are progressing though I am still not holding Ingrid yet. I thought I would share songs that make this hormonal pregnant woman tear up (actually they have that effect even when I am not pregnant; I guess my hippie roots are showing). They aren't new but sometimes I think we need to listen to them anyway.



This last clip is a little odd, what with the quick zoom of the tourist cheese smile, but in a way the man doing prostrations is rather what I feel like over these past few weeks. Letting go of the attachment of calendar times, respecting my body, my child, bowing down to the natural order of things. Okay, hope everyone is well. Take care.

We've been watching a lot of Invader Zim recently, hence today's photo. We've also been playing Uno, walking, eating sushi and crispy tofu, looking at Jason's friends waiting for a Wii in Wal-Mart, walking, drinking hot cocoa, being warned about rising crime in Riverside, discussing the dangers of Riverside, considering the possibility of a dog, listening to the sound of rat teeth knawing on the thin replacement panel of wood behind the stove, considering the possibility of a cat, and having contractions. What, wait, what was that last thing? Yes, it seems that sometime, eventually, Ingrid will enter this world. These things take time though (as if I haven't proven that by going 10 past my due date) and it is possible that tomorrow I will still be posting about random tidings, for instance this article is one of those things that I will probably talk about for days (like I did with the issue of mothers waxing their toddler daughters' eyebrows...). Or like I talk about The Office because man, did you watch the last one? I mean, Pam and Jim are meant for each other but then comes Karen and I actually like her. Yeah, you see this is what happens when I can't find the library books I wanted. But I did get the new issue of dwell which makes me happy. And Jason got himself a new present, though I won't discuss the details here, you know, for security purposes. Anyway... until next time, take care.

This, to our dorky souls, was really funny. And don't get excited, I am not about to write how this was how we got to the hospital to have Ingrid, because she is still comfortably floating around in my womb. But if I had to go to the hospital, what better way to get there than in the Jambulance?

Quick, call the Party Medics! What really cracked us up (and it doesn't take much these days) was that this was parked in the emergency space outside the building (we won't mention the building's name, it brings us shame to admit where we were on a Friday night without Sebastian).

So, yeah, no Ingrid. My midwife is stumped, she had guessed that Ingrid would have arrived by now but so did everyone else. We went and checked out what was going on inside to make sure she is still healthy and thriving. She is. Plenty of fluid to swim around in. Ten fingers and toes. And huge lips. I know these pictures are a bit blurry and in general looking at ultrasound pictures is like looking at that is it an old woman or a young woman drawing, but I will try to explain. In the top photo she is looking towards us. You can see the top of her head on the right then follow it along the forehead to the cheek to the chin. So once you have that figured out you can identify eyes, nose, and mouth (all in their proper places). The bottom image is a profile and you can see her long nose and again her juicy lips. You know who I think she is going to look like?

This guy.

Enorme:
1. The largest drink size at Tully's Coffee
2. What a short woman looks like at 41 weeks pregnant

Last night, around 1 o'clock a fantastic storm blew in. The wind was awe-inspiring. Our windows were open and the curtains danced like ghosts. Eventually Jason got up and shut the windows and soon after the wind gave way to rain. Change is in the air (but still no Ingrid).

Today:
Feed ducks
Eat bagels
Take photographs
Walk
Drink Raspberry leaf tea
Enjoy the sunshine
Relax
Avoid feeling frustrated over still being pregnant

Preparing for her birthday party though the date is still tenative.

Okay, after much deliberation, I think, I am almost positively sure, 99% certain that Ingrid's middle name will be 安紀 (Aki). We wanted certain things for her middle name and I think this covers it. Broken down: 安 (a) means peaceful, calm, gentle; 紀 (ki) means era. So essentially the name means a peaceful era as well as aki meaning autumn. Sebastian's name (Sebastian Olivier) means venerable peace and we wanted to connect that same idea with Ingrid. So, now that we have that settled, Ingrid, how about making your appearance? I am going to pack my birth center bag now then straighten up the house some then I think we will be completely set. Come on, Ingrid Aki. We are ready for you.

Still no Ingrid.... Just drinking lots of raspberry leaf tea, walking, and trying to relax and take it day by day. My due date in Japan was the 14th (based on an ultrasound) so technically I am not overdue. Yet. But I am becoming impatient. I really want to meet this girl. Hope all is well with everyone. Take care.

Still pregnant and no signs of change. But of course, the day has just begun. Another stunning Florida day (I am half serious and half sardonic) with the high predicted at 82 degrees. Nothing but blue skies.... Sebastian is spending another night with his grandparents and I have the day to myself. Oh what to do, what to do? Take care.

Today is my due date. Sebastian is gone for two whole nights (which is nice but I am a little lost without him) so I can concentrate on Ingrid's arrival. I think I might have stumbled upon a middle name 青紀 (Aoki) which I believe means "green (in the Japanese sense of the color) tree". I am mainly interested in the second kanji as this is part of the kanji that is on my hanko 紀伊 (Kii). Since 紀伊 was used to phonetically connect my last name to a Japanese name (and thus circumvent having a lame regular gaijin hanko using katakana, 堀内 先生 ありがとうございました!) it would be really nice to incorporate it into my daughter's name. We are planning on doing something similiar for Sebastian but that will come at a much later date. Anyway, I am really excited and will run it by some people before I decide but maybe Ingrid Aoki?...

In other news, a big congratulations to George and Yana on the birth of their daughter with the amazingly long name. Welcome to the world Beatrice! And Alice, if I didn't have so many slutty students who shared your middle name it would have been in the running for Ingrid as well.

I had a really nice chat with my midwife today. She asked me about my true calling. I will be thinking about this while I have some quiet time around the house. She suggested that we move to Atlanta. Hmm, one of those cities like D.C. or Detroit that have never really been on my list. Athens though... It would be nice to be near the mountains and have a reason for scarves and hats and hot cocoa. And of course, it would be especially nice if there was a perfect job waiting for me there. Anyway, I will do my best to update this on a daily basis until I actually go into labor since I know a few of you faithful are checking regularly to see what the haps be. So if you notice a bit of a gap then you should assume the best. Hope everyone is doing well. Take care.

I've been continuing the documentation of my final days of pregnancy....
I am still pregnant so I guess I will have to ditch Tsukiko from the list. Other possibilities: 愛純 (Azu), 椛蒔 (Momiji), 千絵 (Chie), 稚秋 (Chiaki), 楓花 (Kaede).





And yes, we voted. Unfortunately, we still have a republican governor but at least Jeb wasn't able to serve a third term and the people of Florida had enough sense not to elect Katherine Harris as our senator.

A few images from this week:
Halloween and Pregnancy Day by Day

I didn't plan on Sebastian participating in Halloween this year. It is our first year (essentially) to witness an American Halloween and frankly we aren't too keen on the holiday. Yet my brother-in-law's girlfriend invited Sebastian to go with her two girls to a church that was hosting some activities so I thought I shouldn't deny him the opportunity. I mentioned that he didn't have a costume, she said that she had some masks. Masks, huh? I knew Sebastian wouldn't go for that. Ten minutes before she arrived I remembered Sebastian's jimbei that my students had given him. Yes, it is not a costume but most people in our neighborhood don't know that.


Pregnancy Day by Day

Day 2
Spending the last few weeks with Sebastian as the Sun of our galaxy.


Day 3
It is true, I am nesting.


Day 4
Pregnancy is so primal. Here I am like a bear creating my stores of energy for the upcoming labor. The full moon is this Sunday. If Ingrid arrives by then, I will give her the middle name 月子 Tsukiko (Moon Child).


Hope all is well with everyone. Take care.

Poetry Thursday

I first read Ginsberg's America during the summer that divided middle school from high school. Over the years I have come to understand and relate to some lines more than others. When I returned from Japan, this poem resonated with accuracy. I have intermingled some of the more poignant lines with excerpts from my journal that I wrote on the day I returned to the States.

(America I've given you all and now I'm nothing.)
I was bumped to business class where they keep Swiss chocolates ready
Everyone else was comfortable and reclined
(I can't stand my own mind)
Beneath me mountains fell into the sea
(America when will we end the human war?
Go fuck yourself with your atom bomb.
I don't feel good don't bother me.
I won't write my poem till I'm in my right mind.)
When we reached Detroit, Japan was nowhere to be seen
It had been replaced by flat squares devoid of life
This was America'’s heartland; I had no trouble getting back in
(America when will you be angelic?
When will you take off your clothes?
When will you look at yourself through the grave?)
I was surprised to find myself holding an American passport
I didn'’t have to be fingerprinted or yelled at
I wasn'’t a foreigner anymore
(America why are your libraries full of tears?
America when will you send your eggs to India?
I'm sick of your insane demands.
When can I go into the supermarket and buy what I
need with my good looks?
America after all it is you and I who are perfect not
the next world.)
There were so many blond people but even more people were obscenely large
with calves that covered their ankles and shorts that revealed everything
I didn'’t want to see
They didn'’t seem to mind
(Your machinery is too much for me.
You made me want to be a saint.)
The day that I came back Korea tested another missile so of course
Bush had something to say
He always has nothing to say
It made me think of a line from Homer Simpson
"“You take a lot of time to say nothing"
I laughed out loud and everyone looked at me
There is nothing funny about the news
(It's always telling me about responsibility. Business-
men are serious. Movie producers are serious.
Everybody's serious but me. )
No one looks at me, I am just like them now
(America the plum blossoms are falling.)
Everyone is blond and is headed to Disney World
(It occurs to me that I am America.
I am talking to myself again.)

There hasn't been much news on the homefront lately. The weather is getting better here and I am still growing. I will be documenting my final weeks of pregnancy and will showcase a daily picture that represents this stage of my life.
I am also going to begin participating with Poetry Thursday as a way to insure that I am writing something each week. Halloween is tomorrow but we have decided that Sebastian will forego the trick or treating this year. We might do a bit of voyeurism though and snap a few photos of the festivities for our friends in Japan, so they can get a glimpse of this holiday that I could never accurately describe with words. Jason is almost finished arranging everything for school and I finally got Medicaid, so no worries about hospital bills. We are just essentially waiting for Ingrid. And a middle name. I am rather fond of Azu 愛純. I have been completely domestic lately, baking, cleaning, sewing, knitting. I made a sling from some thrifted bedclothes. I think it will work but Jason has his doubts, perhaps because it is fitted for me. I have been reading a lot of fiction lately, The Anchor Book of New American Short Stories, Runaway by Alice Munro, The Wings of the Dove, The Collected Short Stories of Dylan Thomas. Perhaps that is why I am absolutely enthralled with Tete-a-Tete, a biography of the relationship between de Beauvoir and Sartre. A weekend's worth of fiction drives a girl to the non-fiction aisles. Oh, and of course the most exciting thing that Sebastian and I are working on:


Hope everyone is doing well. Take care.

this weekend has been mildly hectic. sebastian has been absolutely three lately: stubborn, strong-willed, tempermental, dramatic, self-absorbed, obnoxious... he's also been funny and charming and handsome. so instead of sharing the antics (i.e., having blocks thrown at my head, my finger crushed when he slammed a door) i will share some things that i have found inspiring. this video has been circulating on the craftistas' blogs for some time but i never watched it completely until today (probably because i am not too keen on hugging) but something about it really touched me. watching all the strangers walking past this guy, then how some choose to partake on some human contact, i don't know, it just really made me think how strange it is that we are so cold and distant from each other when in reality our experience as humans is so precious and fleeting that we should be able to connect without being prompted to. being back in america has made this all the more present for me as i am naturally shy (i also forget that i can now communicate fluently if the situation should call for it) but aware of how many people try to smile and make eye contact compared with those who just remain in their own spheres. the increased use of cell phones, particularly those star trek/drive-thru ear pieces exasparates this trend. being pregnant with a three-year old doesn't afford me much invisibility but i have come to terms with my societal status as compared to being utterly flustered during my first pregnancy when strangers would request rather personal information about my state (due date, predicted gender, even my weight gain) then, in some instances, proceeding to touch my swollen belly. i realize now that children serve as a bridge that some people need in order to overcome the preceived distance. anyway, on to less sentimental topics. if you have never visited this website, then please go to treehugger tv. my favorites are the urban homestead and the end of this one that features the people's grocery. as an urbanite, i feel that there should be more initiatives like these. i still want to do something here in jacksonville but it is hard. most of the land within the city that would be available is toxic and those farms outside of the city are usually so small that they don't feel confident about handling the needs of such a large population. yet everytime i step outside and see these amazingly obese people rambling along, i really want to take action. a positive note for the short-term is that there seems to be a health food store opening in five points. i have been stalking the space every since they hung their coming soon banner and there are grocery shelves and fridge/freezers lining the walls. this would really help though i don't see much space for fresh produce which is something that the regular supermarket is also lacking. i would really like to get a farmer's market started in riverside or memorial park (very close by) but again there is the lack of local farmers to participate. i will continue working on this along with the idea of getting some sort of csa started within the springfield/riverside neighborhood after ingrid arrives. (18 days until my due date) one other interesting thing, this cartoon that we caught on jason's parents' television when we were visiting yesterday, . not only are these kids rather hip but charlie and lola are exactly the same age apart that sebastian and ingrid will be. hard to imagine sebastian ever being such a cool older brother but i can always hope. okay, just some stuff to share. hope everyone is well. take care.

Kekkonkinen bi omedeto, Alice and Rhett!
I will always remember that lovely day three years ago. I am so glad I took those pictures of us. We look so happy, don't we?

And, Rhett, Otanjou-bi Omedetou Gozaimasu!.

remember this guy? hard to believe that we are going to be in charge of yet another tiny creature. sebastian was less than a month old when this photo was taken.

i came across these photos that i had posted somewhere online. which is excellent since besides for this stash of photos we have almost no photos of our first year in nara.





now, on to some major house cleaning. perhaps it is nesting or perhaps it is just something that needs to be done. either way, on my list of things to do are to set up the play-yard and swing as well as washing ingrid's clothes (which fill an entire laundry bag) and packing my birth center bag. so maybe i am finally coming to terms with the fact that i won't be pregnant forever. it is hard to believe that i only have about 3 weeks until my due date.
hope all is well with you and yours. take care.

the temperature dropped to the low 80s this weekend so it is beginning to feel a little (relatively speaking) like autumn finally. i spent a little bit of cash buying flours and other baking necessities that will enable me to make jason some gluten-free foods. something to supplement all the curry we've been having around here. mainly, though, it is an excuse to use our now working oven.

we've been really feeling homesick for japan lately, especially since it is autumn there and still clear and mild here. i stumbled across this blog written by an expat in Tokyo that really made me nostaligic. so, obviously, what i needed was some natto and daikon to cheer me up. the kinako pocky didn't hurt. the smell barely resembled true kinako but it was enough for me. i find most of my japanese food at this place in mandarin called the mandarin supermarket. there is this young korean guy who works there and is always watching movies that have at least three different sets of subtitles at the bottom of the screen. it was the first time i took sebastian to an asian food store and as soon as we entered he started asking for the green milk. at first i had no clue as to what he was referring to but then i remembered this maccha flavored soy milk we always got him from the paket. sometimes i worry that sebastian is forgetting japan but then i realize he has this dual-identity that will always be with him. his japanese language skills are still there but he only uses them with people that look japanese to him, who usually aren't. there were some southeast asian girls at the park the other day and sebastian ran up to them and started talking about mushi and really only spoke japanese the entire time, much to the bewilderment of the girls.

for myself, i have been feeling a bit lost lately. perhaps it is the reverse culture shock, the pregnancy, the temporary poverty, or a combination of everything. as i was reading the archives of that blog i mentioned, i realized i had gone through all the same feelings and some of the same experiences as she has. what makes me sad is that we had gone through all of the trials of living in japan but realized right before i got pregnant how much we really loved japan. i had started to sincerely study japanese, carrying my kanji flashcards everywhere and taking the supplementary tests to the minna no nihongo text. we knew we would have to return to america eventually as jason still needed his degree and i really wanted to get my master's in comparative lit at some point. so getting pregnant just pushed us out of japan so we could develop ourselves to the point where we would be able to return and live more successfully than before. and we saw the pragmatics in the return but that doesn't mean we haven't felt a great loss in our lives by leaving. i really loved my students and i loved living in japan. i had begun to enjoy my morning commute and i loved being able to take a walk at night to Todaiji and look at the stars over the mountain and hear the bells being struck for the last time of the day. i am heart broken to be so far away from kyoto. spending more than a 100 en on tofu makes me cringe. and ironically, jason was so much more healthier in japan than here since there were so many more options for a gluten-free person to eat there. but these sentimental tidings are not free from memories of being sad that we couldn't do more, that we were limited in income and language. as parents of a small genki child, we didn't have the same opportunities as our friends who were without small companions. i have never been to an onsen or spent the night singing in a small room with friends. i never went to enkais and only hanami-ed with my family. we never saw all the places that we meant to, like koya-san, or shikoku or even biwa-ko. but we did have a very full experience. and i am reading donald keene's biography right now and am just in frank admiration of the guy for being so much in love with a country that he studied the language for over four years before actually setting foot on honshu (right after the war ended) and was only able to do that because of a slight lie he told the military which enabled him to stay in japan for a few weeks before leaving the country for eight years. and the first of his days during that period were spent notifying the families of prisoners who had become his friends that their sons/grandsons/husbands were alive. so, i won't complain anymore about my short stay in japan because it was really just a beginnning. i have decided that i will be pursuing my master's in comparative lit though i won't be applying for the program this year. after ingrid is born, if all goes well, i will be seeking full time employment so jason can get his a.a. degree. the plan is that he goes full time starting this spring and should be finished with his a.a. by may of 2008 so he can start work on his major the following fall term. since most of his classes at this level can be taken online, he will be able to stay at home with ingrid like he did with sebastian. if i can find a job with a decent salary, then sebastian will probably start montessori preschool sometime in the near future. he is really keen on going to school and as much as i like the idea of homeschooling i also have to listen to my children to do what is right for them, not just for me. anyway, so that is what is going on here. i have to go clean the kitchen so i can finish the keene book today and work some more on ingrid's blanket. sebastian has also started watching this dvd series called "bonjour les amis!" that we checked out from the library yesterday. it is "french made easy for children ages 4-9". we'll see how that goes. i would like for him to learn both a second and third language together as it helps retention levels. for myself, i am cracking open those kanji cards and dusting off the textbooks. i plan to take an intensive japanese course this summer so i can take the jplt next december. so much to do, if only there were more hours in the day. at least i can study while i am lounging around upside down since ingrid is still sitting pretty with her head under my ribs. okay, hope all is well with you and yours. take care.

not much going on here on this friday the 13th. busy being tired and feeling guilty about being so tired all the time. popping prenatal vitamins and reading gluten-free cookbooks. sebastian is in a construction mood today. there are tunnels and tall buildings and station houses all over my bedroom floor. ingrid is still breech so i have to hang around upside down to convince her that her feet should be where her head is. let's hope she turns soon.
i forgot i took these pictures of our night out last weekend. jason and i went to a friend of the family's wedding last saturday and sebastian spent his first night away from both of us at his nana's house.


of course, it seems we were a little under-dressed.
(i should have zoomed in further so you could see the full glory of these gentlemen's sunday best/wrangling outfits. true country. there was another guy at the ceremony who was completely ready for the reception with his hawaiian shirt that illustrated the various tropical drinks he would be consuming. rather convenient, in my opinion. just point at your shirt when the bartender ceases to understand your words.)

sebastian would gladly live at barnes and noble if he could. my mom loaned us a vehicle while she and my dad are leaf viewing this week so i had to take sebastian to the "small bookstore". we were there for over 2 hours.
hope all is well with you and yours. take care.

yesterday, i rode the bus. i took two buses and sebastian and i went to "the red store" aka target. this was a mild victory for me since i haven't had the guts to ride the bus further than the predictable downtown to go to the library. on the way back we went to chamblin's so i could get an anthology of poetry. i got really sad the other day when i realized i had none of my own books on our shelves. i gave away all my poetry books either before we left here or before i left japan. now i am going to make a weekly or at least bimonthly trip to collect another book. i had to grab this norton quickly as sebastian isn't too keen on chamblin's. it doesn't have the table o' thomas like barnes and noble aka "the small bookstore". he's so used to going to the library that anytime i try to purchase a book for him, he demands that i put it back.

my super cheap target isaac mizrahi purse with many zippered pockets to make my daily life more organized.

last night was a full moon. i tried taking pictures with our beat up digital only to find that at night the shutter speed is a little slow. which actually, in my opinion, made the pictures better. especially this one with the two hearts in the sky.



i was able to hold the camera still for at least one decent shots of the moon over the st. johns. i love the fact that i am two blocks from the salty river again. sebastian had konked out while we were shopping for dinner ingredients so i was able to walk down the street and hear the water lapping, the leaves dancing on the pavement before running home to eat curry and watch lost (yes, i do watch lost despite my own opinions of t.v.). hope all is well with you and yours.

not all palm trees and sunshine...

today was another stellar florida day. i was actually complaining that it is so damn sunny here all the time. in japan, i suffered from the lack of sun after living 24 years under constant assault from our solar companion. i am missing autumn though i suppose 85 degrees in october is a rare opportunity that others pine for as they examine their fall/winter waredrobes.


i am trying to knit a baby blanket for ingrid. i am not much of a knitter because it takes so long but i enjoy doing it because it is portable and because it takes so long. i figure i have at least 4 more weeks until ingrid should need a grey and purple oddly shaped blanket so i am trying to enjoy the process and not rush myself. i visited the midwife again today. jason agrees that the birthing rooms there are way more equipped to handle her birth than our apartment. they are super nice and there is a good jacuzzi tub with sturdy handles which may not impress those of you who aren't expected to push a baby into the world, but it impressed me.

oh yeah, a rat update. here is the "fixed" hole. a brick and a piece of wood. i mentioned the rat poison but i didn't mention the guilt i feel in contributing to their death. so tonight when you kneel down, please remember to say a few words for all those innocent rats who were just looking for a better life but instead kicked the bucket under my apartment. amen.